Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
