my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
