Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
