he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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