Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
