I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
