think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
