i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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