i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize