So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
