I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
