the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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