I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
