We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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