walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
