I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize