I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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