I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
