the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize