I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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