So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
