I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
