at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
