That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
we made out on top of his cat.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
