Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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