she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
