Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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