OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
