Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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