my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
