I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
