If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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