I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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