dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
