forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
