I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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