I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize