He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
