Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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