All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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