Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
