Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
