Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize