Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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