Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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