I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
