I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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