Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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