The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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