shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
God I need to hump something, right now.
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