Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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