we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
