I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
