She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
