omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
