and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
