I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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