He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize