then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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