I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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