Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
