so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think I sprained my soul last night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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