TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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