i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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