you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
