Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
