He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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