I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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