I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
