Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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