I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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