A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
