i don't like sucking hair
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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