You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
