I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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