you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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