i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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