You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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