I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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