Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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