Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
