when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
