she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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