I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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