I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think a kid would responsible me up
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
