I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
