walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
