I'm so fucking centered right now
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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