i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
