I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
