omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
