there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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