im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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