He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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