if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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