why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
