There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
