ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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