know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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