Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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