He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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